


The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All

by baker_and_fangirl



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Everyone knows they are in love, F/M, Hawke and Varric love each other, Hawke is distracting, Hawke loves dragons, Isabela and Hawke sing and Dance, Merrill wants to spoil little babies, Morning After, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 02:46:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baker_and_fangirl/pseuds/baker_and_fangirl
Summary: After a night of passion, Varric is determined for him and Hawke to go back to normal. It doesn't really work.





	The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThedosianScholar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThedosianScholar/gifts).



> Hi ThedosianScholar, I really enjoyed your prompt and I hope you enjoy this piece. Also, the song is from Discworld and it feels like a song that Isabela and Hawke would know and love.

Varric woke with a terrible dry taste in his mouth and the feeling of a very warm, and very naked body pressed against his, a long line of heat along his front, soft curves of a woman and pale skin. He blinked and grumbled at the vision of light streaming from his windows. He peered over the mystery woman’s shoulder to look at the state of his room, maybe get some information about the situation.

He did, and that information was that he was very hungover. He buried his face in her shoulders, a headache already pounding behind his eyes. He must have dipped into the heavy stuff to get this wasted. Very slowly, he lifted his head, slowly this time.

So, chair was knocked over but no damage. Bianca, hanging by the door with Hawke’s staff next to it. One of his boots was in the thankfully not lit, but unluckily not clean, fireplace while a pair were knocked over by the chair. Hawke’s robe lay next to his jacket, her mage potions hanging off the table with his belt and –

Wait.

Varric froze while his back got goosebumps from the cold as Hawke grabbed the blankets and tugged them around her and under her chin, giving a little sigh of comfort before opening her eyes and smiling at him, her eyes glazed from sleep and a touch of drink. “Hi Varric.”

“Hi Hawke.” He croaked out, rubbing a hand over his face feeling unsure and unsteady in the face of Hawke. She reached out and stroked the side of his face. He froze at the feeling of her playing with his hair, wondering about what to say. This situation was new. He and Bianca had been so young this had never even been a concern and now, most of his nighttime guests were of the “get-in-get-out” variety. What do you say to someone the morning after without destroying what you have? She was his partner in most things, his go-to and if they let this ruin that, he would never forgive himself. No matter how good her singing was and how gorgeous her legs looked when she danced and how happy she made him feel.

“Varric, you think too much.” Hawke said very simply. “I’m sleepy and thirsty. Can you get me water? And some food?”

He was grateful for the excuse to leave, to do something that did not mean looking at the soft curves of her body, as well as the blooming hickeys along her neck and shoulders, even a light purpling on her right breast, and promptly sat up before he deeply regretted his actions. Hawke snorted as he groaned. Varric shoved a hand in her face as she laughed at him.

Things could go back to normal for them. They absolutely could.

* * *

 

They absolutely could not.

This entire week had been a fucking disaster. They had gone to the Wounded Coast and destroyed some bandits and all he could think about was the way her back had felt as he ran his hand down it. She pressed against his side as they sat by the fire, Merrill and Fenris sleeping with Pup snoring away, sharing a bottle and trading songs and stories. His hand itches to wrap around her waist, to pull her in for a kiss and instead put another rabbit onto the fire.

At the Bone Pit, in hunt of a dragon because Hawke had a love of the creatures that could murder her, he felt a flare of jealousy as Aveline spun with Hawke out of the way and a little blush worked its way onto her face. And he was reminded of how Hawke and Isabela giggled over ales about Aveline’s shoulders and her smolder, and he had quickly written them into the newest story, laughing with them then, but now was not at all pleased.

Hawke was driving Varric crazy but was worse were the times that they were both awkward. The times that he would feel her looking at him and see that blush. He missed the way she would lean against him, arm looped with his. They had lost a closeness and it was starting to become more and more obvious to their friends. He was getting looks from Isabela and Aveline. Those two were the most protective of Hawke. But Isabela was more interested in hearing Hawke sing then meddling with his non-existent love life and his pinning for Hawke.

They were celebrating another successful dragon hunt, Hawke already drunk, singing a favorite Ferelden song and dancing with Isabela on a table.

“ _You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care,_  
in the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,  
Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall --  
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.”

Ander’s had excused himself because he was a stick in the mud but all the other refugees from Ferelden cheered and clapped for the two women as they stomped and kicked out a jig, Varric was bracketed by Merrill and Fenris, Aveline having left to get drinks before the next hand of cards.

Merrill was as bubbly as always, chattering on like a bird. “Varric, don’t Hawke’s legs look so nice, Isabela’s are nice as well but I do think Hawke has a very pretty figure.” She looked at him, a sly smile on her face.

Varric thought carefully about his next move, both in cards and in this conversation. He couldn’t tip his hand and expose himself for the sap he was. Aveline beat him too it however.

“Hawke has more pronounced hips while Isabela is more top heavy.” She swallowed back her tankard, Fenris snickering as he took the bottle of wine from the table.

_“And the elephant too, that you meet in the zoo,_  
can be buggeredif you are sure just what to do,  
You will need a large mattress upon which to fall --  
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.”

Fenris rearranged his cards. “To be fair, it’s hard to look away from Hawke, but when standing next to Varric she doesn’t notice any of us. I am honestly surprised you two haven’t gotten married yet.”

Varric snapped his gaze sharply to Fenris, ready to tell him off when Merrill chimed in with “They would have such cute babies together! Could I be the babies godmother Varric?”

“ _If you’re that kind of fool, and you have a long tool,_  
do it with a giraffe, if you stand on a stool,  
catch a yeti, who live in the snows of Nepal --  
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all”

__Was he really that obvious? Varric knew he was but was Hawke? One night of amazing passion and years of friendship could be the start of a great relationship. He looked back up, and caught Hawke’s eye. She smiled, that rare and winning smile, as danced with Isabela the song ending with thunderous applause.

Would a family with Hawke be bad? He thought about it and the more he thought about it, the more he enjoyed the idea. Maybe it was time to stop pinning for someone right in front of him. As Hawke jumped down he pulled a chair between himself and Merrill. “Get over here Chuckles. We are playing partners this round and there is no one I would rather partner with.”

And if he held her hand below the table and the went back upstairs that night, no besides Merrill was awake enough to notice.


End file.
